i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
