when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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