You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
