I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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