but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
