At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
