My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
