So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
