One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
