Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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