You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
