This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
