I just cut my nipple shaving
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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