You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
