I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
