Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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