We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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