nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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