my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
