his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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