its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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