he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize