After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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