Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize