I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
