Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dick has a subreddit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
