; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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