I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
