I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
