I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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