The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
