I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
