In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
