I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
