I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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