i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
