Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
