Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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