How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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