Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
