I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
