I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
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Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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