You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
