sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
are you so shy because you have an std?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
