i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
