and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
