I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
