My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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