He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
