hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
