I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
