I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
