1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
