my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
