You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
