i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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