Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
