haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
