There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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