We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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