you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
