Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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