I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
