Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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