I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
