sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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