i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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