Your favorite bartender is back from prision
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
