And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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