i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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