He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
