I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
