Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
