It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
