So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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