I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
