saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
