I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
