and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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