How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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