i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
