I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
