Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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