i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
