True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
