I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
