why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
