Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
