I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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