I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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