it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
